Exams, absence and other things (Stream of Consciousness blog post SOCBP)

Oh yes, hi, hello, good evening, good morning. Look! I’m here! I’m writing a thing for this blog that I haven’t touched since my birthday. I mean, I’ve checked up on you, made sure you were doing alright. A lot of people seem to have read my Summer School blog post. Summer School was almost a year ago and that fact makes me feel things.

But where have I been?

Well. Home. School. I live a wild and exciting life what can I say. The truth is, sometime after writing that ‘dear me’ letter, all my motivation and determination to write fizzled faster than a firework on Bonfire Night. And not in a good way. Just thinking about writing made me want to roll under my quilt cover and never return. In fact, the only time I felt like writing was at 3am and I live in a household where we turn the WiFi off at night (I KNOW), I couldn’t exactly whip out my laptop and start typing could I? Well I could have done, but I didn’t. What exactly made me feel this way though? Was it the fact that in total my A Level coursework was 1300 words? Maybe. Was it the fact the pressure to get AAB and get accepted into university is absolutely terrifying? Possibly.

Of course it’s now, when my exams are only 17 days away, that my motivation and desperation to write returns. It actually returned a few weeks ago but the good student within in me basically told myself not to write until after exams (June 17th. Biology unit 5). But here I am, writing a bunch of nonsense instead of writing my biology essay.

I actually have no idea what I wanted to write in this post, I only had the idea that I should write ANYTHING other than my biology essay. A levels are truly draining guys. Honestly, I feel so much sympathy for those starting them in September because education changes have made them 100x more difficult than what they already are (but don’t get me started on the changes regarding education – we’ll be here all day and my biology essay won’t get written). I mean, the difficulty level between GCSE and A Level is already the size of a multi-story building.

Are exams really stressing me though? I don’t think so, I think it’s the thing (*whispers* results day) after exams that’s producing this crippling fear within me. To get into university I need AAB. Will I get AAB though? I know for a fact I can get those grades. If that sounds incredibly vain and self-centered then I apologise, but it’s true, I can do it, the question is: will I be able to get those grades in my exams? *sigh* If only I had received an unconditional offer. Oh well. I’m pretty confident I can get an A in history if I know my stuff, an A in English? Sure, if the exam board mark my exam right and I analyse the texts to a high standard. Can I get a B in biology? Maybe if I go to AQA and cry.

In other news, it’s Eurovision tomorrow. I’m excited. I’m probably too excited if I think about it. I’m also listening to the Hairspray soundtrack on Spotify and the 00’s playlist advertisement has interrupted. It’s also less than five weeks until the 1989 tour. I’m excited about that too. The Carmilla web series also returns 2nd June and my excitement for that is real and alive. I’ve used the word excitement too many times. I apologise to all the English teachers I have offended. If anyone from my future university is reading this I promise I write much much better than this. Please accept me.

What was this post.

I don’t know.

‘Stream of consciousness blog post’ just became a thing, I guess.

Bye. I’m going to bury myself in revision and biology essay writing.

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